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Archivo para septiembre, 2011
Last night as we were juggling School Open Houses and homework routines, my wife reminded me that it was My Mami’s Birthday. The entire room went silent and I wish you could have witnessed the reaction painted on the face of each child. As you may already know, I am considered the practical, matter of fact and “less emotional” half of this household and at that moment all eyes were on me. In accordance with my reputation I said “Oh My God I had forgotten, we need to celebrate this weekend”. Armani put on his sad face, Laura attempted to make a joke of what she perceives should be a sad day and Gabriela and Kamyiah, well you know those two are always in their own world. My wife turned back to her computer screen, I assume, deciding to see how I was going to handle this J.
I asked Armani why he was sad to which he replied “because I did not have the opportunity to meet her”, now remember he is only 8. Armani, I said, that is true yet now that she is in Spirit is so much easier to have her near all the time. As enlightened as we strive to be I do not think he was satisfied with that answer. Laura, of course, rides on my attitude and started joking about the fact that usually in this household the Birthday of a relative that has passed on is a sad occasion. I said in my most convincing tone, “guys, grandma’s birthday is cause for celebration, dancing, laughing and more”. I walked away leaving that statement lingering in the room.
Today, I have been at home taking care of Armani, cooking, cleaning, working and thinking. I started a conversation with Mami about her Birthday, which by the way is really nonexistent where she is at since every day is a celebration. I asked her to remind me what she wants us to remember. Mami is always eager to talk and I had to sit and listen and write.
Kathy, she says, (my middle name), do you remember the times you felt like you had this big rock inside this little box and you came to me for relief? That feeling, as nerve wracking as it was, was the best feeling anyone can experience. You see, (at this point I am wondering when mami learned to speak English), most humans walk around assuming that the contours of their body are who they are. You, on the other hand, FELT differently always. That HUGE rock was and is always your Spirit asking to be released, to be noticed, to be heard as it reveals the real YOU. Kathy, I chose you as my one and only daughter because in those 33 years I was honored to evolve so much because of you. My Soul had been constrained every other lifetime I chose and being your Mother gave me the opportunity to know who we really are. Mamita, (she calls me that) there is this ummmmm, let’s call it incredible energy for lack of a better word, that transcends anything the human brain can grasp. It is the most beautiful joyous powerful blanket whose threads are interwoven through each human being. This Energy which you call Spirit is what you feel when you are in Love and that person loves you back. It is what you feel when you your child comes home safe after you worried for hours. It is the colors of each flower blended and magnified a million times. It is the playful creator of planets, galaxies, Universes, ants and dinosaurs. It walks with you and rejoices when you acknowledge its presence and open the doors for it to enter. It loves to give and carries around this treasure chest full of everything you can ever imagine and more. Like a playful puppy wagging its tail, it loves to surprise you by gifting you whatever you ask for IN LOVE. Kathy, I was able to open my doors the moment you were born. I lived 22 human years experiencing what you call loss, grief, abandonment, sense of worthlessness and attempted to end my life many times. Spirit walked with me but I never opened the door because I knew of no such door. I was surrounded by a Patriarchal household (WOW mami using big words) where my voice was insignificant. Mamita you were born on February 18, 1965 at 2:13 p.m. and Spirit walked in! It waited 22 years looking for a window of opportunity and when that Nurse with the big weird hat brought you to me, what I felt was that thing you call Spirit, God, Allah and many other names. Kathy, you are such an amazing old soul that you are the one who asked me to be your Mother. Spirit led me to choose you so that it may touch the lives of so many others. Kathy, keep on telling and then keep on telling. Tell them that Life is such an adventure. Let them know that each person has the power to move planets and make new worlds. Tell them that their pain is not real because when you allow Spirit in there is no pain. Teach them that they are not their body as it is only a vessel gifted so they may utilize the senses required in this planet. Teach them about Love. Yes, as humans you will feel grief, hunger, pain, joy, love, excitement, confusion, and more, but please please remember it is your body experiencing this and not YOU. If you can separate yourself from it during those moments when it does not serve you OH what a relief you will feel. It’s like you get in your car to get to a destination. The car may run out of gas or it may get a flat tire. It will affect you but you are not the car. Same thing with your Body, don’t you see? You have a body to take you to a destination. Take good care of it as you do with your car (well some of you). When an event or a person causes that body pain, grief, hurt, remember you are not that body and they are not that body doing whatever they are doing. They too have forgotten what LOVE is.
Kathy being a human has many advantages and that is why energy created this world. Sort of like playing dress up or putting on a costume. Remember this is temporary and next time you’ll choose another costume and so on. If you remember this it will make you laugh. It’s like choosing a part in a play and not realizing that it’s all part of the act and at the end of the play you go back home. Some will say, oh no but that really hurt or that person was abused or that man was killed, etc etc etc. Yes it all happened because that is what that soul chose as its part in this play. You may not like it or agree with it. That person may not like it or agree with it until they open the door to Spirit or until the play is over. It just is. So mamita, continue the road you have chosen and know that we are so proud of you for living the human life you chose. Keep searching because your curiosity is your most celestial trait. Keep giving even if you think it is not being received. Keep loving yourself even if at times you forget what an amazing human you are. Work on that EGO as you are doing. Yes I told you always that you were Special, that you are a shiny megastar in this world. I told you that you have a big heart and are too nice. I told you that the absolute best thing that happened in my life was birthing you. I told you that my world revolved around you. I told you all this because you saved me Kathy. Yes, you taught me that no one can touch who I really am. You taught me how to separate my human body from the I that I am and will always be. Through you I learned it all and thought I was teaching you. Yes, most of the parents think they are doing the teaching when it’s really the other way around ALWAYS.
I can say so much more and I will but that will be many books. Start here and know that I am so proud of your ability to recognize Spirit in you and others. Que la Luz te Envuelva mi hija!